Women, relationships, and money
Marriage/Combining households January 13th, 2009
This is a guest post from Early Retirement the Middle Way, who writes about her quest for financial freedom alongside living a consciously cool life.
Do independent, modern day women have it easier or harder in relationships? Are men threatened by smart and successful women? Are women having a hard time with traditional stereotypes? Is it difficult to be in a relationship with a man who makes less? Both women described below are real people. I have changed their details to protect their identities.
A:
A is a very successful entrepreneur. She is living with a man (also a successful entrepreneur) who for all intents and purposes, is her husband but he doesn’t want to get married. There is a contract in place stating that should they part ways, she is to leave and not have a claim on his house. They recently celebrated the birth of their first child.
A’s assets include her business and her vehicle. She lives in “his” house and pays him rent as he owns the building she runs her business out of. A has very high cash flow.
A feels lucky that she is doing so well in business because she knows that there is no way she could ever approach him for help financially. Her goal is to buy herself some rental property so that she owns real estate and has an alternate source of income.
B:
B runs her own business. She is married to a man to believes that you keep what you make. Thus he insisted on a prenup which states that he is not responsible for any debt that is not his and that B has no claim on the matrimonial home until they have been together for 20 years. He doesn’t do a whole lot for the household. He feels that providing a roof over B’s head is enough. He knows that by the end of each month, B has little wiggle room financially but will not offer to help.
B’s assets include her office building and upper level apartments which is co-owned by her husband. B’s cash flow barely keeps her above the poverty line with a surprise pregnancy and purchase of a building all happening in the same year.
B feels that her husband is just “old school” and that he has every right to want to protect his assets. Her goal is to pay off her debt (six figures) so that she can do whatever she wants.
Both women love their respective partners.
What advice would you give to each of the women described above? What are the real underlying issues here — financial and relationship?
January 14th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
The key words - both women love and respect their partners - say it all. If a partner cannot live with that, they don’t deserve the person regardless of the other factors.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Wow, I am just speechless. While I do think each partner should have their own saving account and their own credit cards (too few women have this!) I really view making a committment, i.e. marriage and having children as a partnerhsip in every respect. I guess right now this is less of an issue for example A then B because of their finances, but personally I wouldn’t go for either. Re example B, how can you treat someone like this?
I would recommend both women, actually all women read the book A Smart Woman’s Guide to Money why love is not enough.
There is so much more i want to say but I’ll stop there!
January 16th, 2009 at 5:32 am
@ Connectingus — I think it is because my relationship is different enough from A & B, it makes it difficult to comment when I know they both love their partners. I respect them both enought to respect their choices. But, as a girlfriend, it is painful for me to witness their relationship dynamics.
@ Frugal Trenches — I too have such a hard time relating to either relationship. It isn’t what I’ve chosen. My personality would make relationship B impossible. A and her partner are both ultra strong personalities so they duke it out often.
Thanks for your insights and book recommendation.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:37 am
It’s touch to judge someone else’s financial situations and the decisions that they have made in their respective lives.
Personally I would not be comfortable in B. Does husband contribute to the financial responsibilities in rearing the child? That is the only question that I had. If each woman if fine with her situation then it’s fine with me.