This guest post is contributed by Raine Parker, who writes on the topics of accounting degree. She welcomes your comments at her email address: raine.parker6@gmail.com.

When you begin dating someone new, you may already be nervous enough about your jokes, the cleanliness of your apartment or home, and your personal appearance without having to worry about how your attitude about money translates to a potential partner. But if you’re trying to be sensible about money — whether you’re struggling to pay off debt or are building up your investments — you don’t want to throw away money just to impress someone else, either. Here are tips to save money responsibly without looking like a Scrooge.

• Split the cost of dates: Many women and men think it’s old-fashioned to count on the male in the relationship to pay for everything, but that doesn’t mean you have to take over the majority of the finances either. Offer to split the bill at dinner or pick up the tab when you go out for drinks or a movie every once in a while. If your date starts relying on you to pay for everything, then he doesn’t value your relationship as a true partnership, financially or otherwise.

• Be open to other subjects: If you’re constantly talking about how much things cost, how much you saved that week or what your credit card statement is, your date will assume that you’re obsessed with money. Open yourself up to conversations about concepts like your hobbies or goals as well.

• Suggest alternatives to expensive outings: If you’d rather stay in than go out for another date, cheerfully suggest a home-cooked meal and movie night.

• Be ready to explain your savings goals and strategy: When your relationship becomes serious, you’ll have to talk about money at some point. Be ready to explain your savings goals and how you organize your finances so that your partner can better understand your motives for tracking expenses.

• Reevaluate your situation: No one can or even should change the way you want to manage your money, but do be open to new suggestions. Reevaluate your attitude towards money to avoid becoming too restrictive or judgmental, and remember that it’s important to nurture your relationships with family and friends, just as you have to look after your savings.

This is a guest post from Early Retirement the Middle Way, who writes about her quest for financial freedom alongside living a consciously cool life.

Do independent, modern day women have it easier or harder in relationships? Are men threatened by smart and successful women? Are women having a hard time with traditional stereotypes? Is it difficult to be in a relationship with a man who makes less? Both women described below are real people. I have changed their details to protect their identities.

A:

A is a very successful entrepreneur. She is living with a man (also a successful entrepreneur) who for all intents and purposes, is her husband but he doesn’t want to get married. There is a contract in place stating that should they part ways, she is to leave and not have a claim on his house. They recently celebrated the birth of their first child.

A’s assets include her business and her vehicle. She lives in “his” house and pays him rent as he owns the building she runs her business out of. A has very high cash flow.

A feels lucky that she is doing so well in business because she knows that there is no way she could ever approach him for help financially. Her goal is to buy herself some rental property so that she owns real estate and has an alternate source of income.

B:

B runs her own business. She is married to a man to believes that you keep what you make. Thus he insisted on a prenup which states that he is not responsible for any debt that is not his and that B has no claim on the matrimonial home until they have been together for 20 years. He doesn’t do a whole lot for the household. He feels that providing a roof over B’s head is enough. He knows that by the end of each month, B has little wiggle room financially but will not offer to help.

B’s assets include her office building and upper level apartments which is co-owned by her husband. B’s cash flow barely keeps her above the poverty line with a surprise pregnancy and purchase of a building all happening in the same year.

B feels that her husband is just “old school” and that he has every right to want to protect his assets. Her goal is to pay off her debt (six figures) so that she can do whatever she wants.

Both women love their respective partners.

What advice would you give to each of the women described above? What are the real underlying issues here — financial and relationship?

By: Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

The women’s lib movement helped give women the power to do anything they wanted – yet in some ways has contributed to a power struggle between men and women ever since. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – after all, if we’re not struggling, we’re not growing! - but we need to be aware of it, and how it can manifest itself in our relationships.

A big way this happens is when women make more than their partners. Both men and women in some cases seem to be equally conflicted about how they feel when the “traditional” role of the man as the breadwinner is overturned by the women’s ability – and desire – to make more. The most common way these feeling manifest themselves in a marriage or relationship is through conflict that centers on money.

There are things you can do – no matter what your stage in life or in your relationship – that can help minimize these struggles. These are good tips to keep in mind even if you don’t feel like money is a power struggle in your relationship.

What men can do:

• Appreciate her sacrifices
• Acknowledge what she does professionally
• Focus on the positives – you may have more free time, more entrepreneurial possibilities and freedom to take more financial risk
• Encourage her is she’s traveling for work or working late hours – don’t contribute to the guilt she may feel

What women can do:

• Be his biggest advocate
• Be discrete – don’t brag about your earning power, don’t damage his ego
• Feel grateful for what he brings to the relationship
• Discuss money – but in the context of shared goals. Acknowledge that his paycheck is also helping you reach these goals

What to do together:

• Take turns paying the bills so it doesn’t feel like one person has the “financial upperhand.”
• Prioritize
• Negotiate
• Discuss any resentment immediately
• CREATE moments for fondness and appreciation.

Married AND single people struggle with this things and it can be hard for women who are – on the one hand, encouraged to pursue their dreams, and then on the other hand made to feel guilty if they outshine men or chose their career over “traditional” feminine roles. This creates problems not only for the women themselves, but for their significant others as they try to relate to the woman in their lives.

Men and women, in general, have different approaches to acquiring power and money, so it becomes even more important to take the tips above to heart and to communicate with your partner to avoid sliding into any type of revenge behavior or financial infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists. Her new book, Financial Infidelity, is available on her site at http://www.docbon.com/

Combining households often means figuring out the best way to merge your money. If you decided to go that route, how did you do it, and how has it worked for you? What challenges have there been in keeping your financial identity while doing so?